Down Time Doesn’t Have To Keep You Down by Maria E. Denton
It’s never good when two senior managers come into your office and shut the door. A short and cordial conversation later and I was packing up my stuff, the latest victim of my company's Covid-19 downsizing layoffs. As beverage director for two high-volume DC restaurants, I had thought myself immune from the fate of so many in the restaurant industry. I was wrong.
The first month of being out of work was the hardest. I had never had more than two consecutive weeks off in my entire adult life. I traded long busy hours in a restaurant for days that I barely saw a reason to get out of bed. The worst part was realizing how much of my identity was wrapped up in my job. "Hard worker," "the beverage expert," "Ms. Hospitality"…these descriptions no longer applied to the person I was becoming at home. Even the simplest of household tasks became insurmountable mountains as I found myself sinking into anxiety and depression, exacerbated by the isolation of losing my social life to social distancing.
"This isn't me," I said to my husband one day. And he, in his wisdom said, "Well, you've always been good at giving advice…what advice would you give someone else in your position?" Throughout my career I had counseled many of my younger colleagues. Could I really counsel myself?
After some thought, I came up with three things that are helping me through this pandemic and its effect on my emotions and my outlook.
First, I remind myself daily that today is not forever. No matter how daunting or hopeless the day seems, one day things will be better. Jobs are tough to find now, but one day they will be more plentiful, and my expertise will be in demand again. I might be anxious or depressed today, but that is okay, because I will have happy days again. I will find joy and professional fulfilment. Maybe not today, but someday soon.
My next piece of self-advice was to have a small daily mission: to find one or two things I could do that day to uplift my spirit or work towards a goal. I had always imagined myself as being super-productive around the house if I got the opportunity to have some extra time off. Instead, almost every household task seemed gigantic. But by breaking them down into smaller goals, I started to get things done. "Deep-cleaning the kitchen" became "clean and organize one cabinet today." The huge goal of getting a job, became doing things like sending an email to a professional colleague or applying to one job that day. Getting small tasks done gave me a sense of accomplishment, which helped me feel good about myself again. I also started to explore the region's public gardens and green spaces to uplift my spirit. Seeing flowers and trees and breathing fresh air helped me feel like I was part of the world again, and not locked into a pandemic enforced seclusion.
Unfortunately, I was still sometimes wallowing in my own misfortune. This was a pitfall of focusing too much on myself. So my third bit of advice was to do something daily for someone else. If I was having a hard time, then other people were too…couldn't I do something to uplift their spirits a little? I decided to begin each day by reaching out to a friend or former co-worker, just a text or a social media message to ask how they were doing. Sometimes the outreach was short lived; not everyone was in a mood to be social. But for others, like a friend who I found out was stuck at home in quarantine with a sick relative, my notes and funny memes became a lifeline for them too. Finding purpose outside my own needs was helping others as well as myself. Celebrating these small wins kept the darker thoughts at bay.
Today is not forever. The restaurant industry has been hit hard by this pandemic. But one of these tomorrows I hope we can all raise a glass together, and celebrate the fact that the down times couldn't keep us down!
